22 years, 8,030 days, 192,720 hours

Some days I just don't have the inspiration that I so badly want. Some days I am exhausted from pouring my bleeding heart onto the keys. A messy clean up and heart open to the environment it bleeds onto. When I started this blog not too long ago, I wanted to be consistent. To pick a day that I would publish a blog and it would be that day every week. Quickly I learned that sometimes I just don't feel like doing it. I think what people forget is that when someone is vulnerable, when someone breaks open their body to spill their secrets, concerns, opinions, thoughts and moments, how draining it sometimes becomes. So here's to "some days" when all we or rather, I, want to do is calm my brains.


Some days

My inspiration and creativity do not flow so effortlessly through my veins and writing a poem (your tribute) is like pulling teeth because I want it to be so perfect

My words sometimes fail me and memories sometimes disappear

I then remember that you lived hard

That 22 years is actually quite long

8,030 days

192,720 hours

11,563,200 minutes

Your life ended short and those numbers are not high enough, but they are something

Your life was not meaningless

For how many breaths you took that ended in a sigh

Or for the love that took your breath away

For the times that the world seemed beautiful

and

for the times that the world seemed dark and unsafe

Minutes that went by too fast or seconds that took forever

Minutes that went by in a foggy shade of gray where time was not important and drugs concealed the truth but made your time seem so much better

Days that went by with confusion and pain and you wished for the end

In whatever the end meant to you at the time

The end of

your broken parts

your illness

your heart your horror

your soul

your life

I wonder, if I could separate the good times from the bad what your "count"up above would be

I'm afraid to ask

If time was never invented we would just move forward endless like an endless river

Never stopping to reflect for there would be no need

but the time you spent here on earth was significant and rich and meaningful and wonderful and disastrous

You were the calm before the storm and you were the hurricane

You were the wind and the rain and the eye and the sun that came after

Time is so important because there isn't enough of it

We always want more and it stops once our breath leaves our body

How do we stay present with time beating it's chest and towering over us

We try

hard

fight for the now and love what we have

Her time meant the world and now her time is endless


I am BrIttany