First of all, as I said on my "About" page, I am not a professional. This blog and its content are from personal experience. About five or so years ago and up until present time, I started posting about my sister every Thursday for tbt (throwback Thursdays) with the hashtag #myforevertbt. It would include pictures of her with either a story or poem written by myself. It wasn't until now I got the guts to turn it into a blog. I hope to spread awareness and insight.
Second of all, I'm pretty sure it will be chalk full of grammatical errors. Sentences will either be lacking or full of unneeded commas and run on sentences.
I also feel the need to say that although I would like to stay the course and tell my story in chronological order, much like grief I'm sure I will bounce around from time to time. With that said, let us move on and get to what this blog is really about.
My childhood was beautiful. It was picture perfect (at least the memories that stay foggy in the back of my mind). My sister and I had a great life filled with laughter, love, vacations, imagination, friends and family. We were two years apart ( I was the older sibling) and our relationship was much like you would find a lot of sisters, we fought, we loved and we laughed and played. It wasn't until our teens that our perfect childhood turned into reality with darkness.
BrIttany (yes, when I remember, I will be keeping the I uppercase in her name to remind us that we can all see ourselves in BrIttany) was adventurous and I was not. She was not afraid of the world. Where it started for me (in my memory) was when she told me she swallowed a bottle of pills. I was young and naïve. I had not really known about suicide or at least in my world it was never a topic of discussion. I was scared and confused. I didn't know what she meant. I was afraid to tell my parents because I thought she would get in trouble and I would get in trouble. Instead, I choose to lay by her all night watching her chest rise.
Up.
Down.
Up.
Down.
She lived.
In my memory, this is where it all began for me. This is where reality took over and became a dark passenger for us all.
It was the beginning of a long road not only for her but for my family as well. The road was treacherous , bumpy and no directions were provided. We all had to navigate through this uncharted territory.
No map.
No guide.
No information.
It was scary.
She was scared.
This, my friends, is the beginning of her mental health journey and it was the beginning of mine as well for it shaped and changed me in ways I never saw coming.
I've learned SO SO much from her.
So much about -
Acceptance.
Bravery.
Diversity.
Differences.
Struggle.
Life.
Mental health.
Strength.
Unconditional love.
Compassion.
Passion.
Beauty.
Darkness.
Depth.
Soul.
Heart and mind.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. I wish I didn't have to. I wish it never happened, but it did.
It is a story worth telling and maybe BrIttany and I were meant to tell it.
