The five stages of Grief

Grief is grief. It is not specific. It does not discriminate. It will tear you apart and it will bring you together. It will leave you with an ocean of tears and it will leave you in a thunderous rage. Grief is Grief. It first rips your insides out and then helps you heal. It will drain you and it will fill you up. It gives suffering a path to walk while holding its hand. You will not know yourself fully until you've experienced it and you will be changed forever once you've met it. You hate it and respect it. Grief is death's story.


There are five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They don't come in order.

Some stay longer than others.

Some come quickly.

Some take years and years to make an appearance.

Some get stuck.

Some reoccur.

There are no rules. There is no book on how to deal with them and what to do with them. Grief teaches you the waves. The pain and memories. Below is what I've experienced with grief and what I am still experiencing with grief because although its been 11 years since my sister's suicide, the waves of grief still show up .



DENIAL

You are my protector

You numb my growing pain

Throbbing and cutting deep

you keep it at bay

Cradle this empty space and fill it with her

Did you take that leap

I read your words last night

I heard you bathing this morning

Don't go

Stay

I hear your laughter

I hear your voice

I go to call you

Your body not near me


ANGER

Why'd you leave

Why'd you go

Why'd you break all our hearts

You've torn us to pieces and left our parts scattered among your grave

I need you beside me when I give my heart to him

I need your bones to keep our parents whole

You didn't leave us gracefully

You left with fire and destruction

I won't forgive you for what we saw


BARGAINING What I could have

What I should have

All my thoughts and forgotten words

I'll send you my heart if you send me her body

she can have what's left of me

I will listen

I will follow

I will walk down her broken path

I will do better

I will save her

Please give me one more chance


DEPRESSION

Take my body and rest it gently

Hold my head and kiss my mouth

Let me sleep until it's over

Let me sleep to see her face

Do not speak her name or tell me sorry

Let me crumble beneath the sheets

My tears form rivers and pull me under

I will drown within their hands


ACCEPTANCE

You

Are

GONE

You are whole and complete

You leave behind a world drunk with fear, rage, delusions, heartache and sadness

I do not

will not

blame you

For you lived long

bounded with chains

your soul a prisoner

your body, it's cage

your body in the ground

your soul in the clouds

bright light and breathing steady

I will remember you




I read a quote last night that really resonated with me


"Between grief and nothing, I will take grief."


-William Faulkner



I will take the pain and the broken parts.