The Voices inside her head

Schizophrenia definition- a long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in relation between thought, emotion and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion and a sense of mental fragmentation.


My sister had Schizoaffective disorder- a combination of symptoms of schizophrenia and mood disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder. Symptoms may occur at the same time or at different times.


I wrote this awhile ago on one of my #myforevertbt. My sister thought that people could hear her thoughts, so much so that she couldn't watch certain movies or tv shows with actors that she really liked, in them. She couldn't really be around people sober, it was torture because she didn't want to hurt us with her words that she thought we could hear. She was amazingly selfless amongst all her suffering.

Inspiring and strong.


You loved Johnny depp

so much so that you wouldn't watch movies with him in them because you were afraid that your thoughts, your voices would hurt his feelings

that he would hear them

you were like that

So selfless when all your voices wanted was for you to be selfish

You would stay away from those that you loved

You didn't want to hurt them

Your voices said mean things and you were protecting others from their poison

Spending a day among the "normal" was exhausting

I could just imagine the inner battle you faced every single time you were around others

Especially those that thought with logic and clarity

What anger and frustration

sadness

envy

guilt and defeat

The strength it must have taken to hold a conversation and the strength it would take to walk away when you no longer could fight your mind

your mind, A BEAUTIFUL MIND

just like the movie

a movie you loved

it made you feel safe and understood

For if he could suffer and thrive through his delusions surely there was hope

You lived on hope for if there was any small flicker at the end of the tunnel, it was meant for you

I would light 1000 matches just to keep the flame lit to guide you through.



BrIttany was one of the bravest human beings I've ever known. The strength it must take to live inside of your head constantly fighting and battling to stay afloat. Being pulled down and sucked under by vices that you can't see but can only feel and hear. A body and mind that you can't get away from. You are stuck with what you're given. Trapped.


Even though you are gone, you live in my mind as a survivor, having survived for so many years when all your mind wanted to do was to bring you down.





@2019 The I in BrIttany. Proudly created with Wix.com